Hello.
How are you?
I hope you're well.
It is just another day on Keptmannyc.com.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Nothing to write home about.
Nothing rotten in the state of Denmark.
So to speak.
Ho hum.
Oh, except that:
I AM ROYALLY FUCKING FUCKED!
DEIDRA KNOWS ABOUT KEPTMANNYC.COM!
SHE CALLED ME FROM WORK AND SAID "HEY, I'M READING YOUR BLOG. WHAT THE HELL??"
SHE THREATENED TO CONTACT BARBIE AND KICK ME OUT AND WRITE AN AWFUL EMAIL TO ALL OF MY AND HER FRIENDS ABOUT ME!!
THAT'S RIGHT! I MIGHT BE HOMELESS SOON!!
IF I DO NOT STOP WRITING THIS BLOG, I WILL BE REALLY FUCKED!
I WISH I COULD TAKE THIS BACK.
THIS WAS A VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY STUPID IDEA! IT WAS REALLY REALLY STUPID!!
A WARNING TO ALL THE WOULD-BE KEPT MEN OUT THERE:
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID.
DO NOT BE A DICKHEAD LIKE ME.
I'M SORRY TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS AND FANS OUT THERE, BUT THIS IS THE VERY LAST POST! IF THERE'S ANY WAY I CAN CONTINUE POSTING IN THE FUTURE, I WILL.
I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT HALLOWEEN IN THIS POST! I WANTED IT TO BE UPBEAT, MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE WHO DRESS UP THEIR TINY DOGS FOR ALL HALLOWS EVE!
"NO, LADY, YOUR AFFENPINSCHER LOOKS NEITHER COMFORTABLE NOR PROUD IN THAT PRINCESS LADYBUG COSTUME."
I WANTED TO INSIST THAT PEOPLE WHO DRESS THEIR TINY DOGS UP AS PETS TEND TO BE ON THE LESS TOLERABLE SIDE.
I WANTED TO SAY STUFF LIKE THAT.
AND SOME INCREDIBLY WILD AND FUNNY STORIES FROM THAT NIGHT - I HAD SO MANY GOOD STORIES. BUT NO CAN DO!
THANKS AGAIN TO MY FANS - KEPTMANNYC.COM GREW FASTER THAN I EVER THOUGHT. WE WERE VIEWED IN ALL CORNERS OF THE EARTH - FROM MORROCO TO CAMBODIA TO DUBLIN. WE EVEN TOUCHED THE PEOPLE OF CANADA AND KANSAS!
AND TODAY, WE HAD OUR FIRST AUSTRALIAN VISITOR - WELCOME TO KEPTMANNYC.COM AUSTRALIA! WE'RE SORRY OUR ADVENTURE WITH YOU HAD TO END SO SOON! BUT WE HOPE YOU APPRECIATE OUR HOMAGE TO MONOTREMES BELOW!
I HOPE THIS SITE WAS AN INSPIRATION! I HOPE IT PROVED THAT IF EVEN I - A PERSON TO WHOM SEX HAS NEVER COME EASILY - CAN BE A KEPT MAN, SO CAN YOU!
I ALSO HOPE IT SENT A MESSAGE TO NEW YORK WOMEN:
It is okay to be a single woman, or even a single mom! You don't need a husband. Companionship can come from a good friend, or a pet. Pay a visit to your local Humane Society Shelter to learn more!
SORRY TO ALL - THIS HAS TO BE THE VERY LAST POST! BECAUSE:
MY COVER IS BLOWN!
THE GIG IS UP!
Me (The Kept Man).
Now the SOON-TO-BE-HOMELESS MAN!
